This is a bot I tried to make when I was bored. It sucks, I can't script.

on 9999:TEXT:!n*:#: {
  nick $2
}
on *:TEXT:I farted*:#: {
  msg $chan Thank you for sharing, $nick $+ .
}
on *:TEXT:!identify*:#: {
  msg nickserv identify <pass>
}
on *:TEXT:!notice*:#: {
  notice $2 $3- (from $nick in $chan ) 
}
on *:TEXT:!j*:#: {
  join $2 
}
on *:TEXT:!p*:#: {
  part $2 $nick wants me to leave this channel.  
}
on *:TEXT:!msg*:#: {
  msg $2 $3- (from $nick in $chan ) 
}
on 9999:TEXT:*:#:{if ($me $+ , isin $1) {
  if $2 == say { msg $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == have { describe $chan has $3- }
  elseif $2 == you { msg $chan I $3- }
  elseif $3 == my { describe $chan $2s your $4- }
  elseif $2 == sex { describe $chan sexes $3- }
  elseif $3 == your { describe $chan $2s my $4- }
  elseif $2 == kiss { describe $chan $2es $3- }
  elseif $2 == topic { topic $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == mode { mode $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == do { describe $chan $2es $3- }
  elseif $3 == yourself { describe $chan $2s itself $4- }
  elseif $3 == me { describe $chan $2s $nick $4- }
  else { describe $chan $2s $3- }
}
on 500:TEXT:*:#:{if ($me $+ , isin $1) {
  if $2 == say { msg $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == have { describe $chan has $3- }
  elseif $2 == you { msg $chan I $3- }
  elseif $3 == my { describe $chan $2s your $4- }
  elseif $2 == sex { describe $chan sexes $3- }
  elseif $3 == your { describe $chan $2s my $4- }
  elseif $2 == kiss { describe $chan $2es $3- }
  elseif $2 == topic { topic $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == mode { mode $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == do { describe $chan $2es $3- }
  elseif $3 == yourself { describe $chan $2s itself $4- }
  elseif $3 == me { describe $chan $2s $nick $4- }
  else { describe $chan $2s $3- }
}
on *:TEXT:*:#:{if ($me $+ , isin $1) {
  if $2 == say { msg $chan $3- }
  elseif $2 == have { describe $chan has $3- }
  elseif $2 == you { msg $chan I $3- }
  elseif $3 == my { describe $chan $2s your $4- }
  elseif $2 == sex { describe $chan sexes $3- }
  elseif $3 == your { describe $chan $2s my $4- }
  elseif $2 == kiss { describe $chan $2es $3- }
  elseif $2 == topic { msg $chan No. }
  elseif $2 == mode { msg $chan No. }
  elseif $2 == do { describe $chan $2es $3- }
  elseif $3 == yourself { describe $chan $2s itself $4- }
  elseif $3 == me { describe $chan $2s $nick $4- }
  else { describe $chan $2s $3- }
}