I downloaded UnrealIRCD and messed around with it a bit. Since I'm on 98, I had a hard time finding services. Thanks to the people here I was able to find Epona IRC Services. Well, I noticed Epona doesn't have a HostServ. So I made one! Its not the greatest but it does the job. =p

Stick this in its own remote. To use it have someone type !lag It will announce the servers lag with a /msg to the channel !lag was used in.

Its a simple on snotice token script. Make adminlist.txt in your script directory and make a list of nicks that are authorized, one for each line. The script will do the rest for you.