if ($nick == Ryan) { <- this tells mIRC to only respond to Ryan when he joins. $nick == $nick doesn't serve any purpose. It's like saying 0+0 = 0

on !*:join:#:{
.timeroponly 1 2 greetmsg $nick #
}
alias -l greetmsg {
if ($1 isop $2) {
.Describe $1 humps $2
.msg $1 Ohhaithar $2
.msg $1 how YOU doin?!? ;)
}
}