Next up we have Dean's version using replace with a few fixes. This is slightly smaller even with the $$1 switch and missing 3rd msg added back in.

menu nicklist {
  .slaap
  ..$iif($$1,Proo Slap! $1,Pick a Nick): { 
    .timer 1 1 me walks up to15,1 $1 then pulls out a 9,1 $replace($r(1,7), 1, 12 inch Butterfly knife, 2,Bowie knife, 3,wooden stick, 4,metal pole, 5, Fleshlight, 6, glove with a brick inside it, 7,ton Acme weight) and massacres them with it...
    .timer 1 3 me goes to his car and takes out a 7,1 $replace($r(1,4), 1,RPD Bling pro(Heartbeat sensor + FMJ), 2,M16 with n00b tube, 3,SPAS with red dot sight, 4,Desert Eagle) and shoots $1 in the head and walks away.
    .timer 1 5 say 9,1another bitch.. 11,1PWNED!!!
  }
}