my edit for this

menu nicklist {
  .slap
  ..Pro Slap!: { 
    var %proslap $rand(1,7), %y = .timer 1 1 me walks up to15,1 $$1 then pulls out a 9,1, %x and massacres them with it..., %proslap2 $rand(1,4), %z = .timer 1 3 me goes to his car and takes out a 7,1, %t and shoots $$1 in the head and walks away. 
    %y $replace(%proslap, 1, 12 inch Butterfly knife, 2,Bowie knife, 3,wooden stick, 4,metal pole, 5, Fleshlight, 6, glove with a brick inside it, 7,ton Acme weight) %x
    %z $replace(%proslap2, 1,RPD Bling pro(Heartbeat sensor + FMJ), 2,M16 with n00b tube, 3,SPAS with red dot sight, 4,Desert Eagle) %t
  }
}

1013 bytes smaller