Dark|, you must have been blinded. The quit event will never work. There's no channel (# or $chan) in the quit event unless you specify it, not to mention the quit event is formatted incorrectly. This is the rewrite:
on !*:join:#:greetings
on !*:part:#:greetings
on !*:quit:greetings
alias greetings {
if $event = join {
msg $chan Hi, $nick $+ !
notice $nick I'm a bot so don't reply or message me. (:
}
elseif $event = part {
.timer 1 1 /msg $chan Fine then, $nick leave...!
.timer 1 2 /describe $chan mumbles "bitch"
.timer 1 4 /msg $chan welll... who wants some Hydro and Tequila?!
}
elseif $event = quit {
var %q $comchan($nick,0)
while %q {
msg $comchan($nick,%q) Have a nice time in $network $+ , $nick $+ !
dec %q
}
}
}
The $nick != $me should have been used once, and that's more than enough, or you could simply use the ! by the events as shown.