Tested the snippet, never make a comment without testing first.
alias slap {
var %r $r(1,9)
if ( %r == 1 ) { describe $chan slaps $1 around a bit with a large trout. }
if ( %r == 2 ) { describe $chan slaps $1 with a television. }
if ( %r == 3 ) { describe $chan slaps $1 with room`s door. }
if ( %r == 4 ) { describe $chan giggles at $1 . }
if ( %r == 5 ) { describe $chan nudges $1 . }
if ( %r == 6 ) { describe $chan pokes $1 with a birthday cake. }
if ( %r == 7 ) { describe $chan spanks $1 . }
if ( %r == 8 ) { describe $chan burn $1 hard. }
if ( %r == 9 ) { describe $chan pokes $1 with his leg. }
}
not a good scriptor admit that, still this is how i would do the snippet...you're snippet it's cute.