on *:TEXT:$($+(*,$me,*)):#: { 
  var %talk = $rand(1,5)
  if (%talk == 1) {
    msg # That's my name. Don't stick a knife through it.
  }
  if (%talk == 2) {
    msg $chan WHO SAID MY NAME?!?!?!
  }
  if (%talk == 3) {
    msg $chan Yes, $nick $+ .
  }
  if (%talk == 4) {
    describe $chan shoots $nick $+ , "DID I SAY YOU COULD SAY MY NAME?!"
  }
  if (%talk == 5) {
    msg $chan What can I help you with, $nick $+ ?
  }
}