it almost looks like you are useing some messed up socket maker to make these. =/

no need for all them vars an whatnot you could have just done this

on $*:text:/^@fact$/iS:#: {
  if ($sock(fact)) sockclose fact 
  sockopen fact www.randomfunfacts.com 80 
  sockmark fact msg # 
} 
on *:sockopen:fact: {
  sockwrite -nt $sockname GET / HTTP/1.1 
  sockwrite -nt $sockname Host: $+($sock(fact).addr,$str($crlf,2)) 
}
on *:sockread:fact: {
  var %fact | sockread %fact
  if ($regex(%fact,/<i>(.+)<\/i>/)) { 
    $sock(fact).mark $regml(1) 
    sockclose fact 
  }
}