Instead of using
On :text:!whatever:#: {
every time, just put one
On :text::#:{
and use it like...

On :text::#:{
if ($1 == beer) { msg $nick aofuhjawou | HALT }
if ($1 == pie) { msg $nick Pie. | HALT }

and just use a bunch of \"if ($1 ==\"

it would look a lot cleaner IMO