This is a fairly simple script.. It is basically text triggers.
Copy&Paste into REMOTE. Some of it is based on a Primary trigger, followed by a second trigger of when someone says something after the first. I will say, This is the first, and I couldn't test it due to connection issues on mIRC which I am attempting to fix now. If you think that you have found a way to better the script, E-mail me with the update at xbot@live.com Thank you.

 on *:LOAD: {
      echo -a 00,04Thank you for using 14,04C15,04onnor's 14,04H15,04ell14,04S15,04cript01,04.  
  }
;Connor's Hell Scripts.
;------Sexual Script---
on *:TEXT:*suck me*:#: { 
  .notice $nick Why would they need to?? 
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has Requested that they be sucked, with the statement of " $1- ". 
  .msg $chan the previous Request that $nick made has been DENIED. 
  .notice $nick You're request of $1- Has been Denied. Please ask again later. :]
}
;----Greeting Script---
on *:TEXT:Hello*:#: {
  .notice $nick Hello ( $nick ).
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has Said [ $1- ].
}
;---Hell Script---
on *:TEXT:*hell*:#: {
  .notice $nick I Am Using HellIRC v2.0.1 Base 1 REALTiMe Networks IRC Client. (-~H.E.L.L.I.R.C.~-)
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has Said $1- .
  .notice $nick you're statement " $1- " Has been Approved.
  .msg $chan He's fucked up.. His statement of " $1- " Has been Approved.. What should we do?
  .me Kicks $nick In DeezNutz
  .msg $chan Parts taken From T.B.A.: TeaBaggersAnnounymous on Matrix §igma Brutal Icestorm Relay Chat. Availible at http://www.freedomchat.net
}
;--GoToHell v1.0.1
on *:TEXT:!gto:#: {
  .me Go's to Hell.
  .msg $chan What now, ( $nick )?
  on *:TEXT:*:#:
  .msg $chan Yea.. I didn't think $nick had anything else.
}
;---!Attempt Script
on *:TEXT:Connor*Attempt*:#: {
  .msg $chan ( $nick ), Re:Attmpt
  .msg $chan your attempt cannot be processed at the current time. Please Try Again Later.
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) for further help, Type !ReAttempt
  .msg $chan Thank you ( $nick ) For your consideration. :]
}
on *:TEXT:!ReAttempt:#: {
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has Requested Assistance with the ReAttempt System.
  .msg $nick Current ReAttempts:
  .msg $nick !AttemptHelp ; !AttemptStart ; !AttemptHell ; !AttemptList
  .msg $nick Please check back often as more !Attempt commands are added.
  .msg $nick for a updated list of !Attempt type !AttemptList
  .msg $chan Thank you for your time, ( $nick ).
}
on *:TEXT:!AttemptHelp:#: {
  ( $7 = !AttemptHelp ; !AttemptStart ; !AttemptHell ; !AttemptList )
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) has requested help with the !Attempt System.
  .msg $nick Thank you for using the !Attempt System.
  .msg $nick Current Commands: ( $7 ).
  .msg $chan Current Commands: ( $7 ).
  .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has been helped with the !Attempt System.
}
;---HellSing Script
on *:TEXT:!HellSing:#: {
 if ( $4 = $chan )
 If ( $2 = $nick )
  .msg $chan /-\WARNING!!! ( $nick ) Has Requested that HellSing Be Turned On!!!/-\
  .msg $nick the HellSing System is ON.
  .msg $chan (-^HellSing System OnLine.^-)
  .msg $chan Welcome To Hell.
  .msg $nick To turn off HellSing, Type !HellSingOff
  on *TEXT:!HellSingOff:$2:$4:  {
    .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has Turned HellSing Off.
    .msg $chan (-^HellSing OffLine.^-)
    on *:TEXT:!hell:$4: {
      .msg $chan ( $nick ) Has Used the (~HELL~) Command.
      .msg $nick You have Activated the (~HELL~) System.
      .msg $chan (~HELL~) OnLine ( Authorized By $nick )
      .me 04,01UnLeashes Hell.
       }