WTF is this
This is CA-script. A simple but powerful mIRC enhancement. It has many random things in it everyone should have, like a ctcp replyer, slap protection, ping calculator, autovoicer, mode thanker, custom popups, google searcher, mass voicer, advanced unban script, and many, many diffrent colored message stuff. Press alt+R in mIRC and copy-paste this into the screen you see. Type /aliaslist for more info about all the commands.

;BOF
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;;HELLO THERE;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
on *:input:*: {
  if ( $readini(lock.ini,main,lock) == 1 ) {
    .timerlock off 
    .timerlock -o 1 $readini(lock.ini,main,locktime) mirclock
  }
}
dialog MIRClock {
  title "mIRC Lock"
  size -1 -1 117 84
  option dbu
  button "OK", 1, 3 62 33 12, ok
  button "Close andLock", 2, 39 62 38 12, ok
  button "Cancel", 3, 79 62 32 11
  edit "OLDPASS", 4, 3 2 50 10, pass
  edit "NEWPASS", 5, 3 14 50 10, pass
  edit "TIME_BEFORE_LOCK", 6, 3 25 50 10
  check "Lock mIRC when idle", 7, 3 40 64 9
  text "Old password", 8, 57 2 50 9
  text "New password", 9, 57 14 50 8
  text "Idle time before lock", 10, 57 26 50 9
  check "Lock mIRC when started", 11, 3 50 69 9
  text "mIRC lock made by CAsercan3 AKA sercan386", 12, 3 77 112 8
  box "", 13, 1 34 73 27
  button "Reset", 14, 79 44 32 16
}

on *:dialog:mirclock:sclick:3: {
  dialog -x mirclock mirclock
}
alias locksettings {
  dialog -m mirclock mirclock
  if ( $readini(lock.ini,main,pass) == $null ) writeini lock.ini main pass $md5($md5(1234))
}
on *:dialog:mirclock:sclick:14: {
  did -r mirclock 4,5,6
  did -u mirclock 7,11
}
on *:dialog:mirclock:init:0: {
  did -ra mirclock 6 $readini(lock.ini,main,locktime)
  did -r mirclock 4,5
  did - $+ [ $iif($readini(lock.ini,main,lockstart) == 1,c,u) ] mirclock 11
  did - $+ [ $iif($readini(lock.ini,main,lock) == 1,c,u) ] mirclock 7
}
on *:dialog:mirclock:sclick:1: {
  if ( $md5($md5($did(mirclock,4))) != $readini(lock.ini,main,pass) ) halt
  if ( $did(mirclock,5) != $null ) writeini lock.ini main pass $md5($md5($did(mirclock,5)))
  writeini lock.ini main locktime $did(mirclock,6)
  writeini lock.ini main lock $did(mirclock,7).state
  writeini lock.ini main lockstart $did(mirclock,11).state
  dialog -x mirclock mirclock
}
on *:dialog:mirclock:sclick:2: {
  if ( $md5($md5($did(mirclock,4))) != $readini(lock.ini,main,pass) ) { noop $input(Dude! WRONG PASSWORD!!!,o,ERROR,ERROR,ERROR) | halt }
  if ( $did(mirclock,5) != $null ) writeini lock.ini main pass $md5($md5($did(mirclock,5)))
  if ( $did(mirclock,6) isnum ) writeini lock.ini main locktime $did(mirclock,6)
  else noop $input(Dude! the time in which the lock is activated must be only in NUMBERS!,o,ERROR,ERROR,ERROR)
  writeini lock.ini main lock $did(mirclock,7).state
  writeini lock.ini main lockstart $did(mirclock,11).state
  dialog -x mirclock mirclock
  mirclock
}
alias mirclock {
  :start
  if ( $readini(lock.ini,main,pass) == $null ) { writeini lock.ini main pass $md5($md5(1234)) | locksettings $input(ERROR ERROR ERROR!!! THE LOCK SETTINGS FILE CANNOT BE FOUND! REQUESTING IMMEDIATE SETUP!,owd,ERROR,ERROR,ERROR) }
  showmirc -n
  while $md5($md5($input(mIRC has been locked. Insert your password to unlock it.,wp,mIRC Lock))) != $readini(lock.ini,main,pass) {
    noop
  }
  halt
  :error
  mirclock2
}
alias mirclock2 mirclock
on *:START: {
  if ( $readini(lock.ini,main,lockstart) == 1 ) mirclock
  elseif ( $readini(lock.ini,main,lock) == 1 ) .timerlock -o 1 $readini(lock.ini,main,locktime) mirclock
}
menu channel,status {
  lock mIRC: mirclock
  lock settings: locksettings
}
;hi
alias voiceall {
  set %maxunvoiced $nick( $chan , 0 , r )
  set %unvoiced 0
  while %unvoiced != %maxunvoiced {
    inc %unvoiced
    set %voice %voice $+ $chr(32) $+ [ $nick( $chan , %unvoiced , r ) ] 
  }
  set %words $numtok( %voice , 32)
  mode $chan + $+ $str(v,%words) %voice
  unset %voice %words %unvoiced %maxunvoiced 
}
alias kickall {
  set %maxunvoiced $nick( $chan , 0,rv,oh)
  set %unvoiced 0
  while %unvoiced != %maxunvoiced {
    inc %unvoiced
    if ($nick( $chan , %unvoiced,rv,oh) != $me) .timer -h 1 $calc(5* %unvoiced) rip [ $nick( $chan , %unvoiced,rv,oh) ] 
  }
  unset %unvoiced %maxunvoiced 
}
alias bunny say  (\_/) | say  <(^^,)> | say  (")(")
alias sahop if ( !$1 ) { echo -a * /sahop: insufficient parameters | halt } | sapart $1 $2 | .timer 1 1 sajoin $1 $2
alias crashmirc {
  while 1 != 2 {
    inc %isuck 1
  }
}
alias crashwindows {
  while 1 != 2 {
    run notepad.exe
    run mspaint.exe
  }
}
alias kjline {
  set %kjline 0
  while %kjline != 800 {
    .sajoin $$1 #pwned $+ %kjline
    inc %kjline
  }
  .gline $$1 7200 KJlined: $2-
  unset %kjline
}
on *:start: {
  timer99 -o 0 1 titlebar [+ $time + $date +]
}
on *:load: {
  timer99 off
  timer99 -o 0 1 titlebar [+ $time + $date +]
}
alias servping {
  if ( $status != connected ) halt
  .set %pingor 0
  .ping $server : $+ $server
  .timer22 -h 0 1 inc %pingor 1
  .set -u5 %chan $chan
}
on *:pong: {
  if ( %pingor != $null ) {
    msg %chan 2Currently $status with lag of %pingor milliseconds!
    .timer22 off
    .timer 1 2 unset %pingor
    halt
  }
}
on *:join:#: {
  if ( % $+ $chan $+ .autovoice == 1 ) && ( $me isop $chan ) mode $chan +v $nick 
}
alias autovoice {
  if ( % $+ $chan $+ .autovoice == 0 ) {
    .set % $+ $chan $+ .autovoice 1
    .echo 3 autovoice is ON
    halt
  }
  if ( % $+ $chan $+ .autovoice == 1 ) {
    set % $+ $chan $+ .autovoice 0
    .echo 3 Autovoice is OFF
    halt
  }
  set % $+ $chan $+ .autovoice 0
}
alias 8ball {
  set %8ball $rand(1,8) 
  if ( %8ball == 1 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Yes
  if ( %8ball == 2 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4No 
  if ( %8ball == 3 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Yeah!!
  if ( %8ball == 4 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Hell no!
  if ( %8ball == 5 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Your momma said yes.
  if ( %8ball == 6 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Shh, be quiet, I'm hunting a rabbit.
  if ( %8ball == 7 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Maybe...
  if ( %8ball == 8 ) say 4[8ball]9 Answer to3 $1- $+ : 4Try again later.
}
alias modethanker {
  if ( %modethanker == 1 ) { set %modethanker 0 
    echo 3 modethanker is OFF
    .halt
  }
  if ( %modethanker == 0 ) || ( %modethanker == $null ) {
    .set %modethanker 1
    .echo 4 modethanker is ON
    .halt
  }
}
on *:RAWMODE:#:{
  if ( %modethanker != 1 ) { halt }
  set %chan $chan
  if ( $nick == $me ) || ( $nick == ChanServ ) { halt }
  if (+q isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %cf 1 | msg $chan 2Thanks 6for 10the ~ $nick $+ ! 12That's number: %cf $+ . | halt }
  if (+a isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %sop 1 | msg $chan 12Thanks 5for 3the & $nick $+ ! 7That's number: %sop $+ . | halt }
  if (+o isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %aop 1 | msg $chan 10Thanks for 1the 6@ $nick $+ ! 3That's number: %aop $+ . | halt }
  if (+h isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %hop 1 | msg $chan 4Thanks 2for 14the 12% $nick :/ , 5That's1 number7: %hop $+ . | halt }
  if (+v isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %vop 1 
    msg $chan Thanks for the + $nick $+ ! That's number: %vop $+ . 
    msg $chan 9¦|0,9¦|3,9¦|9,3¦|1,3¦|3,1¦| VoIcE GeNeRaToRs 10,1{4,1||||||||||8,1|10,1} 3,1|¦1,3|¦9,3|¦3,9|¦0,9|¦9,0|¦
    halt 
  }
  if ($me isin $1-) && (Chanserv isin $nick) { halt }
  if (-q isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %dcf 1 | randtop2 Don't take my ~ $nick $+ ! That's number: %dcf $+ . |  halt }
  if (-a isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %dsop 1 | randtop2 Don't take my & $nick $+ ! That's number: %dsop $+ . |  halt }
  if (-o isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %daop 1 | randtop2 Don't take my @ $nick $+ ! That's number: %daop $+ . |  halt }
  if (-h isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %dhop 1 | randtop2 Don't take my % $nick $+ ! That's number: %dhop $+ . | halt }
  if (-v isin $1) && ($me isin $2) { inc %dvop 1 | randtop2 Don't take my + $nick $+ ! That's number: %dvop $+ . | halt }
}
alias hellas {
  say 12,12FUCK0,0FU12,12KFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
  say 12,12FUCK0,0FU12,12CKFU0,0KFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
  say 0,0FUCKFUCKFU12,12KFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
  say 12,12FUCK0,0FU12,12CKFU0,0KFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
  say 12,12FUCK0,0FU12,12KFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
  say 0,0FUCKKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUFUCK
  say 12,12FUCKKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUFUCK
  say 0,0FUCKKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUFUCK
  say 12,12FUCKKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUFUCK
}
menu nicklist {
  Whois: whois $$1
  Slaps
  .Slap With mallet: describe $chan slaps $$1 around a bit with a large bonecrusher mallet
  .Slap With Alarm Clock: describe $chan slaps $$1 with a alarm clock
  .Slap With Banana: describe $chan slaps $$1 with a small Banana
  .slap with Pink Macintosh: describe $chan slaps $$1 with a pink Macintosh
  .Slap With Hand: describe $chan slaps $$1 with his very own hand
  .Keyboard: describe $chan throws a keyboard at $$1
  .Lemmings: describe $chan sends hordes of lemmings over $$1
  .Nuclear: describe $chan slaps $$1 around with 9nuclear 6waste
  .Uglypeople: describe $chan  discovers $$1 $+ 's picture at uglypeople.com
  .Windows: describe $chan slaps $$1 around with Windows XP
  .C++: describe $chan slaps $$1 around a bit with a 500lb C++ manual
  .Sneeze: describe $chan sneezes in $$1 $+ 's face
  .House: describe $chan burns $$1 $+ 's house down
  .Dark: describe $chan follows $$1 into a dark avenue. Hey test my crowbar!
  .rainbow: describe $chan 6slaps $$1 with a 4R12A9I8N4B6O13W6 trout
  .screw granny!: describe $chan makes $$1 fuck an old granny.
  .Bomb from plane: describe $chan straps a bomb onto $$1 and drops him off a plane
  .Iron bar: describe $chan hits $$1 with an iron bar
  .kill: describe $chan kills $$1 
  .push from cliff: describe $chan pushes $$1 off a cliff
  .Ass paddle: describe $chan slaps $$1 with a big ass paddle
  .blow crap out : describe $chan blows the crap out of $$1
  .turd!: describe $chan shoves a big turd in $$1 $+ 's mouth and screams "EAT IT!"
  .Rape: describe $chan rapes $$1
  .glue face: describe $chan glues $$1 $+ 's face to the wall
  .-
  Other descriptions
  .Show the duck: describe $chan lets $$1 meet with his biggest fear, the yellow duck.
  .Kick with the duck: describe $chan kicks $$1 with his yellow duck
  .Throw the duck: describe $chan throws his yellow duck at $$1
  .moo: describe $chan moos at $$1
  .moo in hues: describe $chan moos at $$1 in several hues.
  .give cookie: describe $chan gives $$1 a cookie
  .hand cookie: describe $chan hands $$1 a cookie
  .shake hands: describe $chan shakes hands with $$1
  .mallet hospital: describe $chan smashes $$1 into a hospital with his Bonecrusher Mallet
  .mallet kill: describe $chan ends $$1 $+ 's life with a Bonecrusher Mallet
  .mallet gay: describe $chan forces $$1 to be gay with his Bonecrusher Mallet
  .handcuff: describe $chan handcuffs $$1 with some nice fury handcuffs! (you`re my bitch now)
  .hand of god: describe $chan gets the hand of God and blows $$1 into the oblivion. Long Live CA!
  .Nopol: describe $chan gets the Miffin red case and sprays Nopol all over $$1 $+ !!
  .Gay club: describe $chan hires a club of gays to abuse $$1 to death.
  .-
  Mod Commands
  .kick: kick $chan $$1 kicked ( $+ [ %kcounter ] $+ ) | inc %kcounter
  .kick(why): kick $chan $$1 $?="Insert reason here" ( $+ [ %kcounter ] $+ ) | inc %kcounter
  .ban: ban $chan $$1 2
  .nickban: mode $chan +b $$1
  .kickban: ban -k $chan $$1 2 permanently banned from $chan ( $+ [ %kcounter ] $+ ) | inc %kcounter
  .kickban(why): ban -k $chan $$1 2 $?="Insert reason here" | inc %kcounter
  .minban: ban -ku60 $chan $1 2 1 minute ban ( $+ [ %kcounter ] $+ ) | inc %kcounter
  .unban: {
    set %maxbans $ibl($chan,0)
    set %bans 0
    while %bans != %maxbans {
      inc %bans
      if ( $ibl($chan,%bans) iswm $address($$1,5) ) { set %banlist [ %banlist ] $+ $chr(32) $+ [ $ibl($chan,%bans) ] 
        inc %maxbannum 
      }
    }
    mode $chan - $+ $str(b,%maxbannum) %banlist 
    unset %maxbans %bans %banlist %maxbannum
  }
  .rip: rip $$1
  .-
  Modes (no bans)
  .Voice/Devoice: { if ( + isin $nick($chan,$$1).pnick ) { mode $chan -v $$1 | halt }
    mode $chan +v $$1
  }
  .Halfop/Dehalfop: { if ( % isin $nick($chan,$$1).pnick ) { mode $chan -h $$1 | halt }
    mode $chan +h $$1
  }
  .Op/Deop: { if ( @ isin $nick($chan,$$1).pnick ) { mode $chan -o $$1 | halt }
    mode $chan +o $$1
  }
  .Admin/Deadmin: { if ( & isin $nick($chan,$$1).pnick ) { mode $chan -a $$1 | halt }
    mode $chan +a $$1
  }
  .Owner/Deowner: { if ( ~ isin $nick($chan,$$1).pnick ) { mode $chan -q $$1 | halt }
    mode $chan +q $$1
  }
  .rip modes: mode # -qaohv $$1 $$1 $$1 $$1 $$1
  .Address to invites: mode # +I $address($$1,1)
  .Address to excepts: mode # +e $address($$1,1)
  .Clear invites of user: uninvite $$1
  .Clear exempts of user: unexempt $$1

  IRCbans, CTCP & other
  .ignore: ignore $address($$1,2)
  .unignore: ignore -r $address($$1,2)
  .whois: whois $$1
  .whowas: whowas $$1
  .who: who $$1
  .all CTCPs: {
    ctcp $$1 finger
    ctcp $$1 time
    ctcp $$1 ping
    ctcp $$1 version
  }
  .finger: ctcp $$1 finger
  .ping: ctcp $$1 ping
  .version: ctcp $$1 version
  .time: ctcp $$1 time
  .kill: kill $$1 General Annoyance
  .kill (why): kill $$1 $?
  .1min ban: gline $$1 60 Banned for general annoyance - Duration: 1 minute
  .1min ban (why): gline $$1 60 $?
  .1hour ban: gline $$1 3600 Banned for general annoyance - Duration: 1 hour
  .1hour ban (why): gline $$1 3600 $?
  .kjline: kjline $$1
  .-
}
alias unban {
  set %maxbans $ibl($chan,0)
  set %bans 0
  while %bans != %maxbans {
    inc %bans
    if ( $ibl($chan,%bans) iswm $address($$1,5) ) { set %banlist [ %banlist ] $+ $chr(32) $+ [ $ibl($chan,%bans) ] 
      inc %maxbannum 
    }
  }
  mode $chan - $+ $str(b,%maxbannum) %banlist
  unset %maxbans %bans %banlist %maxbannum
}
alias unexempt {
  set %maxbans $iel($chan,0)
  set %bans 0
  while %bans != %maxbans {
    inc %bans
    if ( $iel($chan,%bans) iswm $address($$1,5) ) { set %banlist [ %banlist ] $+ $chr(32) $+ [ $iel($chan,%bans) ] 
      inc %maxbannum 
    }
  }
  mode $chan - $+ $str(e,%maxbannum) %banlist
  unset %maxbans %bans %banlist %maxbannum
}
alias uninvite {
  set %maxbans $iil($chan,0)
  set %bans 0
  while %bans != %maxbans {
    inc %bans
    if ( $iil($chan,%bans) iswm $address($$1,5) ) { set %banlist [ %banlist ] $+ $chr(32) $+ [ $iil($chan,%bans) ] 
      inc %maxbannum 
    }
  }
  mode $chan - $+ $str(I,%maxbannum) %banlist
  unset %maxbans %bans %banlist %maxbannum
}
alias holland  {
  say 4,4NETHERLANDS
  SAY 0,0NETHERLANDS
  SAY 12,12NETHERLANDS
}
alias googleit set %search $replace($1-, $chr(20) , + ) | url http://www.google.com/search?hl=nl&q= $+ %search $+ &meta= 
menu query {
  Whois: whois $$1
  Slaps
  .Slap With Trout!: describe $$1 slaps $$1 around a bit with a large trout
  .Slap With Alarm Clock: describe $$1 slaps $$1 with a alarm clock
  .Slap With Banana: describe $$1 slaps $$1 with a small Banana
  .slap with Pink Macintosh: describe $$1 slaps $$1 with a pink Macintosh
  .Slap With Hand: describe $$1 slaps $$1 with his very own hand
  .Keyboard: describe $$1 throws a keyboard at $$1
  .Lemmings: describe $$1 sends hordes of lemmings over $$1
  .Nuclear: describe $$1 slaps $$1 around with 9nuclear 6waste
  .Uglypeople: describe $$1 discovers $$1 $+ 's picture at uglypeople.com
  .Windows: describe $$1 slaps $$1 around with Windows XP
  .C++: describe $$1 slaps $$1 around a bit with a 500lb C++ manual
  .Sneeze: describe $$1 sneezes in $$1 $+ 's face
  .House: describe $$1 burns $$1 $+ 's house down
  .Dark: describe $$1 follows $$1 into a dark avenue. Hey test my crowbar!
  .rainbow: describe $$1 6slaps $$1 with a 4R12A9I8N4B6O13W6 trout
  .screw granny!: describe $$1 makes $$1 fuck an old granny.
  .Bomb from plane: describe $$1 straps a bomb onto $$1 and drops him off a plane
  .Iron bar: describe $$1 hits $$1 with an iron bar
  .kill: describe $$1 kills $$1 
  .push from cliff: describe $$1 pushes $$1 off a cliff
  .Ass paddle: describe $$1 slaps $$1 with a big ass paddle
  .blow crap out : describe $$1 blows the crap out of $$1
  .turd!: describe $$1 shoves a big turd in $$1 $+ 's mouth and screams "EAT IT!"
  .Rape: describe $$1 rapes $$1
  .glue face: describe $$1 glues $$1 $+ 's face to the wall
  .-
  Other descriptions
  .Show the duck: describe $$1 lets $$1 meet with his biggest fear, the yellow duck.
  .Kick with the duck: describe $$1 kicks $$1 with his yellow duck
  .Throw the duck: describe $$1 throws his yellow duck at $$1
  .moo: describe $$1 moos at $$1
  .moo in hues: describe $$1 moos at $$1 in several hues, making his ears SEE the rainbow, wtf.
  .give cookie: describe $$1 gives $$1 a cookie
  .hand cookie: describe $$1 hands $$1 a cookie
  .shake hands: describe $$1 shakes hands with $$1
  .mallet hospital: describe $$1 smashes $$1 into a hospital with his Bonecrusher Mallet
  .mallet kill: describe $$1 ends $$1 $+ 's life with a Bonecrusher Mallet
  .mallet gay: describe $$1 forces $$1 to be gay with his Bonecrusher Mallet
  .handcuff: describe $$1 handcuffs $$1 with some nice fury handcuffs! (you're my bitch now)
  .hand of god: describe $$1 gets the hand of God and blows $$1 into the oblivion. Long Live CA!
  .Nopol: describe $$1 gets the Miffin red case and sprays Nopol all over $$1 $+ !!
  .-
  IRCbans, CTCP & other
  .ignore: ignore $address($$1,2)
  .unignore: ignore -r $address($$1,2)
  .whois: whois $$1
  .whowas: whowas $$1
  .who: who $$1
  .all CTCPs: {
    ctcp $$1 finger
    ctcp $$1 time
    ctcp $$1 ping
    ctcp $$1 version
  }
  .finger: ctcp $$1 finger
  .ping: ctcp $$1 ping
  .version: ctcp $$1 version
  .time: ctcp $$1 time
  .kill: kill $$1 General Annoyance
  .kill (why): kill $$1 $?
  .1min ban: gline $$1 60 Banned for general annoyance - Duration: 1 minute
  .1min ban (why): gline $$1 60 $?
  .1hour ban: gline $$1 3600 Banned for general annoyance - Duration: 1 hour
  .1hour ban (why): gline $$1 3600 $?
  .-
}
menu menubar {
  whois:  whois $?="Insert nickname here"
  whowas:  whowas $?="Insert nickname here"
  join:  join $?="Insert channel here"
  part:  part $?="Insert channel here"
  change server: server $?="Insert server here"
  join server: server -m $?="Insert server here"
  list: list
  away: away $?="Insert reason here" | ame is AWAY!
  back: away | ame is BACK!
  ignore:  ignore $?="Insert nickname here" $+ !*@*
  unignore:  ignore -r $?="Insert nickname here" $+ !*@*
  quit: DISCONNECT
  quit (message): quit $?="Insert message here"
  -
  finger: ctcp $?="Insert nickname here" finger
  ping: ctcp $?="Insert nickname here" ping
  version: ctcp $?="Insert nickname here" version
  time: ctcp $?="Insert nickname here" time
  - 
  about: noop $dialog(creditz,creditz)
  visit Kamuix: run http://www.kamuix.com
  CA-forums: run http://z9.invisionfree.com/christian_agents
  go to website: run http:// $+ [ $?="Insert site here" ]
  google it: googleit $?="Insert words here"
}
dialog creditz {
  title "About"
  size -1 -1 285 136
  option pixels
  edit "This mIRC enhancement script has been completely made by CAsercan3. Credits go to SonnyX who teached me the very first things of scripting and helping me with some things, BlueThen for showing me how to open websites through a script and helping with some stuff. This script was originally made for The-Brotherhood community and the CA clan.", 1, 7 5 274 97, read multi
  button "Close", 2, 103 106 82 25, ok
}
ctcp ^*:*: {
  if ( $1 == finger ) {
    ctcpreply $nick FINGER YUCK GO AWAY U FUKIN WHORE!
    halt
  }
  if ( $1 == time ) {
    ctcpreply $nick TIME Hmm it's $time here! :D
    halt
  }
  if ( $1 == version ) {
    ctcpreply $nick VERSION CA-SCRIPT Made by CAsercan3, download @ www.ca-clan.tk
  }
}
alias CA-credits dialog -m creditz creditz ;)
alias slapall { ;)
  set %totalnicks $nick($chan,0)
  set -u5 %max 0
  while %max < %totalnicks {
    inc %max 1
    randomslap $nick($chan,%max)
  }
}
alias randomslap {
  set %moo  $rand(1,34)
  if (%moo == 1) describe $chan slaps $$1 around a bit with a large bonecrusher mallet
  if (%moo == 2) describe $chan slaps $$1 with a alarm clock
  if (%moo == 3) describe $chan slaps $$1 with a small Banana
  if (%moo == 4) describe $chan slaps $$1 with his very own hand
  if (%moo == 5) describe $chan throws a keyboard at $$1
  if (%moo == 6) describe $chan sends hordes of lemmings over $$1
  if (%moo == 7) describe $chan slaps $$1 around with 9nuclear 6waste
  if (%moo == 8) describe $chan  discovers $$1 $+ 's picture at uglypeople.com
  if (%moo == 9) describe $chan slaps $$1 around a bit with a 500lb C++ manual
  if (%moo == 10) describe $chan sneezes in $$1 $+ 's face
  if (%moo == 11) describe $chan burns $$1 $+ 's house down
  if (%moo == 12) describe $chan 6slaps $$1 with a 4R12A9I8N4B6O13W6 trout
  if (%moo == 13) describe $chan makes $$1 fuck an old granny.
  if (%moo == 14) describe $chan straps a bomb onto $$1 and drops him off a plane
  if (%moo == 15) describe $chan hits $$1 with an iron bar
  if (%moo == 16) describe $chan kills $$1 
  if (%moo == 17) describe $chan pushes $$1 off a cliff
  if (%moo == 18) describe $chan slaps $$1 with a big ass paddle
  if (%moo == 19) describe $chan blows the crap out of $$1
  if (%moo == 20) describe $chan shoves a big turd in $$1 $+ 's mouth and screams "EAT IT!"
  if (%moo == 21) describe $chan rapes $$1
  if (%moo == 22) describe $chan glues $$1 $+ 's face to the wall
  if (%moo == 23) describe $chan lets $$1 meet with his biggest fear, the yellow duck.
  if (%moo == 24) describe $chan kicks $$1 with his yellow duck
  if (%moo == 25) describe $chan throws his yellow duck at $$1
  if (%moo == 26) describe $chan moos at $$1 in several hues.
  if (%moo == 27) describe $chan gives $$1 a cookie
  if (%moo == 28) describe $chan shakes hands with $$1
  if (%moo == 29) describe $chan smashes $$1 into a hospital with his Bonecrusher Mallet
  if (%moo == 30) describe $chan ends $$1 $+ 's life with a Bonecrusher Mallet
  if (%moo == 31) describe $chan handcuffs $$1 with some nice fury handcuffs! (you`re my bitch now)
  if (%moo == 32) describe $chan gets the hand of God and blows $$1 into the oblivion. Long Live CA!
  if (%moo == 33) describe $chan gets the Miffin red case and sprays Nopol all over $$1 $+ !!
  if (%moo == 34) describe $chan hires a club of gays to abuse $$1 to death.
}
alias dontslap { ;)
  if ( %neverslap == 0 ) || ( %neverslap == $null ) echo 3 Autoslaps enabled! | set %neverslap 1 | halt
  if ( %neverslap == 1 ) echo 3 Autoslaps disabled! | set %neverslap 0 | halt
}
on *:ACTION:*:#: {
  if ( %dontslap == 1 ) || ( %neverslap == 1 ) halt
  if ( $me isin $1- ) || ( $me $+ 's isin $1- ) {
    set %slapbomb $rand(1,22)
    set -u5 %dontslap 1
    if (%slapbomb == 1) describe $chan owns $nick with an uranium-tipped bullet gattling cannon $+ . That'll teach u!
    if (%slapbomb == 2) describe $chan poisons $nick with a tiberium auto rifle.
    if (%slapbomb == 3) describe $chan kills $nick $+ .
    if (%slapbomb == 4) describe $chan throws up on $nick $+ .
    if (%slapbomb == 5) describe $chan slaps $nick around with 9nuclear 6waste
    if (%slapbomb == 6) describe $chan sends hordes of lemmings over $nick $+ .
    if (%slapbomb == 7) describe $chan discovers $nick $+ 's picture at uglypeople.com
    if (%slapbomb == 8) describe $chan pushes $nick off a cliff.
    if (%slapbomb == 9) describe $chan makes $nick fuck an old granny.
    if (%slapbomb == 10) describe $chan 6slaps $nick with a 4R12A9I8N4B6O13W6 trout.
    if (%slapbomb == 11) describe $chan slaps $nick around a bit with a large bonecrusher mallet.
    if (%slapbomb == 12) describe $chan shoves a big turd in $nick $+ 's mouth and screams EAT IT!
    if (%slapbomb == 13) describe $chan glues $nick $+ 's face to the wall.
    if (%slapbomb == 14) describe $chan gets the hand of God and blows $nick into the oblivion.
    if (%slapbomb == 15) describe $chan blows the crap out of $nick $+ .
    if (%slapbomb == 16) describe $chan shoots $nick 283 times in the head with 227mm rockets.
    if (%slapbomb == 17) describe $chan hits $nick with an iron bar.
    if (%slapbomb == 18) describe $chan moos so loudly, it made $nick $+ 's head explode!
    if (%slapbomb == 19) describe $chan moos in so many hues, $nick $+ 's eyes explode!
    if (%slapbomb == 20) describe $chan throws a knife at $nick $+ , fatally piercing the heart!
    if (%slapbomb == 21) describe $chan throws an axe at $nick $+ , splitting the head.
    if (%slapbomb == 22) describe $chan calls a club of gays to abuse $nick to death.
  }
}
alias rip {
  mode $chan -qaohv $1 $1 $1 $1 $1
  ban -k $chan $1 2 You have been pwned by the 4Status Ripper10!!
  .notice $1 Owned.
}
alias dinoban { kick $chan $1 cya | mode $chan +b $1 }
on *:ban:#:{
  if ($banmask iswm $address) && ( $nick != $me ) {
    cs unban #
    cs akick # add $nick
    join #
  }
}
alias aliaslist { ;)
  echo /crashmirc - Freezes mIRC to death.
  echo /crashwindows - Freezes Windows to death.
  echo /kjline - Special type of ban - SAjoins an user to 800 diffrent channels and then bans him for 2 hours. You must have access to the commands /sajoin and /gline . Very dangerous command.
  echo /servping - Pings the server and calculates the lag in milliseconds, messaging it to the channel.
  echo /autovoice - Voices everyone joining the channel you typed this in.
  echo /8ball - Answers an 8ball question. 
  echo /modethanker - Thanks for the received mode, EG: Thanks for the @, SonnyX! I have been @'ed 25 times.
  echo /googleit - Googles the text after the alias.
  echo /aliaslist - Lists all available aliases.
  echo /slapall - Slaps everyone in a channel. VERY dangerous and spammy command.
  echo /dontslap - Disables/enables auto-slap back function. 
  echo /green - Messages a channel in 9¦|0,9¦|3,9¦|9,3¦|1,3¦|3,1¦| GREEN 3,1|¦1,3|¦9,3|¦3,9|¦0,9|¦9,0|¦ text.
  echo /red - Messages a channel in 8,%%0,8%`7,8,%8,7%`4,7,%7,4%`8 RED 7,4`%4,7%,8,7`%7,8%,0,8`%8%%, text.
  echo /blue - Messages a channel in 0`%8,4%,12,4'%0,12%,2,12'%12,2%,1,2'%2,1%,11,14|11 4|11 BLUE 4|11 1,14,1| 2,1'%1,2%,12,2'%2,12%,4,12'%12,4%,8,4'%0%0' text.
  echo /pink - Messages a channel in 15,0¦|0,15¦|13,15¦|6,13¦|13,6¦|14,6¦|6,14¦|0,1 PINK 6,14|¦14,6|¦13,6|¦6,13|¦13,15|¦0,15|¦15,0|¦ text. Warning for possible gayness.
  echo /yellow - Messages a channel in 4,1\1,4\7,4\4,7\8,7\7,8\0,8\8,0\0,0-15,0\0,15\14,15\15,14\1,14\14,1\1,1-0,1 YELLOW-BLACK 1,1-14,1/1,14/15,14/14,15/0,15/15,0/0,0-8,0/0,8/7,8/8,7/4,7/7,4/1,4/4,1// text.
  echo /gray - Messages a channel in 15,15 0<14>1515,15 0<14>1515,15 0<14>1,15 GRAY 15,15 0<14>15 0<14>15 0<14>15 text.
  echo /blue2 - Messages a channel in 11§0,11§12,11§11,12§2,12§12,2§1,2§2,1§11,1 Blue 2,1§1,2§12,2§2,12§11,12§12,11§0,11§11,0§ text.
  echo /blue3 - Messages a channel in 1,1::2,1::12::6::4::7::9::8:: Blue 8,1::9::7::4::6::12::2::1,1:: text.
  echo /red2 - Messages a channel in 1,5@1,4@1,7@1,8@1,7@1,4@1,5@8 Red 1,5@1,4@1,7@1,8@1,7@1,4@1,5@ text.
  echo /green2 - Messages a channel in 3|1,3|9,3|3,9|10,9|9,3|1,3 1 Green 3,3|10,9|3,9|9,3|1,3|3,1| text.
  echo /black - Messages a channel in 4,7æ7,4æ5,4æ4,5æ1,5æ5,1æ8,1 7¤(~~~~0,1 10 Black-Red 7 ~~~~7,1)¤ 4,15,1æ1,5æ4,5æ5,4æ7,4æ4,7æ text.
  echo /green3 - Messages a channel in 9,0æ0,9æ3,9æ9,3æ1,3æ3,1æ9 Green 3,1æ1,3æ9,3æ3,9æ0,9æ9,0æ text.
  echo /yellow2 - Messages a channel in 8,0¦|0,8¦|7,8¦|8,7¦|4,7¦|7,4¦|5,4¦|4,5¦|1,5¦|5,1¦|9,1 Yellow 5,1|¦1,5|¦4,5|¦5,4|¦7,4|¦4,7|¦8,7|¦7,8|¦0,8|¦8,0|¦ text.
  echo /yellow2 - Messages a channel in 8,0¦|0,8¦|7,8¦|8,7¦|4,7¦|7,4¦|5,4¦|4,5¦|1,5¦|5,1¦|9,1 Yellow 5,1|¦1,5|¦4,5|¦5,4|¦7,4|¦4,7|¦8,7|¦7,8|¦0,8|¦8,0|¦ text.
  echo /randtop -Makes a random pick out of the color aliases and puts your message in them. 
  echo /CA-credits -Displays the credits window.
  echo /hol -Sends the BIG Dutch flag to a channel!
  echo /holland -Sends the Dutch flag to a channel!
  echo /dinoban -First kicks a nickname from the channel you typed this in, then bans him. Used against ban protection.
  echo /mIRClock -Locks mIRC. You will have to insert a password to unlock it afterwards.
  echo /locksettings -Shows the mIRC lock settings window. You must insert your old password to be able to make the new settings work. If you have no old pass, insert 1234 there.
  echo /unban -Removes all bans preventing the parameter to enter the channel.
  echo /sahop -Forces parameter 1 to hop in parameter 2. IRCops only.
  echo /bunny -Sends a bunny image to a channel!
  echo /voiceall -Voices everyone in a channel. Requires halfop or higher.
  echo /rip -Removes all modes for one user, then kickbans him. Requires halfop or higher.
}
alias hol {
  say 4,4 NEDERLAND 4 EVER !!
  say 4,4 NEDERLAND 4 EVER !!
  say 0,0 NEDERLAND 4 EVER !!
  say 0,0 NEDERLAND 4 EVER !!
  say 12,12 NEDERLAND 4 EVER !!
  say 12,12 NEDERLAND 4 EVER !!
}
alias green say 9¦|0,9¦|3,9¦|9,3¦|1,3¦|3,1¦| $1- 3,1|¦1,3|¦9,3|¦3,9|¦0,9|¦9,0|¦
alias blue say 0`%8,4%,12,4'%0,12%,2,12'%12,2%,1,2'%2,1%,11,14|11 4|11 $1- 4|11 1,14,1| 2,1'%1,2%,12,2'%2,12%,4,12'%12,4%,8,4'%0%0'
alias red say 8,%%0,8%`7,8,%8,7%`4,7,%7,4%`8 $1- 7,4`%4,7%,8,7`%7,8%,0,8`%8%%, 
alias pink say 15,0¦|0,15¦|13,15¦|6,13¦|13,6¦|14,6¦|6,14¦|0,1 $1- 6,14|¦14,6|¦13,6|¦6,13|¦13,15|¦0,15|¦15,0|¦
alias yellow say 4,1\1,4\7,4\4,7\8,7\7,8\0,8\8,0\0,0-15,0\0,15\14,15\15,14\1,14\14,1\1,1-0,1 $1- 1,1-14,1/1,14/15,14/14,15/0,15/15,0/0,0-8,0/0,8/7,8/8,7/4,7/7,4/1,4/4,1//
alias gray say 15,15 0<14>1515,15 0<14>1515,15 0<14>1,15 $1- 15,15 0<14>15 0<14>15 0<14>15 
alias blue2 say 11§0,11§12,11§11,12§2,12§12,2§1,2§2,1§11,1 $1- 2,1§1,2§12,2§2,12§11,12§12,11§0,11§11,0§
alias blue3 say 1,1::2,1::12::6::4::7::9::8:: $1- 8,1::9::7::4::6::12::2::1,1::
alias red2 say 1,5@1,4@1,7@1,8@1,7@1,4@1,5@8 $1- 1,5@1,4@1,7@1,8@1,7@1,4@1,5@
alias green2 say 3|1,3|9,3|3,9|10,9|9,3|1,3 1 $1- 3,3|10,9|3,9|9,3|1,3|3,1|
alias black say 4,7æ7,4æ5,4æ4,5æ1,5æ5,1æ8,1 7¤(~~~~0,1 10 $1- 7 ~~~~7,1)¤ 4,15,1æ1,5æ4,5æ5,4æ7,4æ4,7æ
alias green3 say 9,0æ0,9æ3,9æ9,3æ1,3æ3,1æ9 $1- 3,1æ1,3æ9,3æ3,9æ0,9æ9,0æ
alias yellow2 say 8,0¦|0,8¦|7,8¦|8,7¦|4,7¦|7,4¦|5,4¦|4,5¦|1,5¦|5,1¦|9,1 $1- 5,1|¦1,5|¦4,5|¦5,4|¦7,4|¦4,7|¦8,7|¦7,8|¦0,8|¦8,0|¦
alias randtop {
  set %randtop $rand(1,13) 
  if ( %randtop == 1 ) green $1-
  if ( %randtop == 2 ) blue $1-
  if ( %randtop == 3 ) red $1-
  if ( %randtop == 4 ) pink $1-
  if ( %randtop == 5 ) yellow $1-
  if ( %randtop == 6 ) gray $1-
  if ( %randtop == 7 ) blue2 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 8 ) blue3 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 9 ) red2 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 10 ) green2 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 11 ) black $1-
  if ( %randtop == 12 ) green3 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 13 ) yellow2 $1-
}
on *:snotice:*did a /whois on you*: { 
  inc %whois 
  .notice $2 You're the %whois $+ th client who has /whoised me since January 1st 1800 
  .notice $2 Your whois has been logged under $2 $3 
  set %whoiser $2 
  set %rand $rand(1,5)
  if ( %rand == 1 ) .notice %whoiser You touch yourself at night, %whoiser $+ !
  if ( %rand == 2 ) .notice %whoiser A little nosey, aren't we?
  if ( %rand == 3 ) .notice %whoiser Don't whois me, %whoiser $+ !
  if ( %rand == 4 ) .notice %whoiser You finger yourself at night, %whoiser $+ !
  if ( %rand == 5 ) .notice %whoiser What do you want from me, %whoiser $+ ?
}
alias 2green msg %chan 9¦|0,9¦|3,9¦|9,3¦|1,3¦|3,1¦| $1- 3,1|¦1,3|¦9,3|¦3,9|¦0,9|¦9,0|¦
alias 2blue msg %chan 0`%8,4%,12,4'%0,12%,2,12'%12,2%,1,2'%2,1%,11,14|11 4|11 $1- 4|11 1,14,1| 2,1'%1,2%,12,2'%2,12%,4,12'%12,4%,8,4'%0%0'
alias 2red msg %chan 8,%%0,8%`7,8,%8,7%`4,7,%7,4%`8 $1- 7,4`%4,7%,8,7`%7,8%,0,8`%8%%, 
alias 2pink msg %chan 15,0¦|0,15¦|13,15¦|6,13¦|13,6¦|14,6¦|6,14¦|0,1 $1- 6,14|¦14,6|¦13,6|¦6,13|¦13,15|¦0,15|¦15,0|¦
alias 2yellow msg %chan 4,1\1,4\7,4\4,7\8,7\7,8\0,8\8,0\0,0-15,0\0,15\14,15\15,14\1,14\14,1\1,1-0,1 $1- 1,1-14,1/1,14/15,14/14,15/0,15/15,0/0,0-8,0/0,8/7,8/8,7/4,7/7,4/1,4/4,1//
alias 2gray msg %chan 15,15 0<14>1515,15 0<14>1515,15 0<14>1,15 $1- 15,15 0<14>15 0<14>15 0<14>15 
alias 2blue2 msg %chan 11§0,11§12,11§11,12§2,12§12,2§1,2§2,1§11,1 $1- 2,1§1,2§12,2§2,12§11,12§12,11§0,11§11,0§
alias 2blue3 msg %chan 1,1::2,1::12::6::4::7::9::8:: $1- 8,1::9::7::4::6::12::2::1,1::
alias 2red2 msg %chan 1,5@1,4@1,7@1,8@1,7@1,4@1,5@8 $1- 1,5@1,4@1,7@1,8@1,7@1,4@1,5@
alias 2green2 msg %chan 3|1,3|9,3|3,9|10,9|9,3|1,3 1 $1- 3,3|10,9|3,9|9,3|1,3|3,1|
alias 2black msg %chan 4,7æ7,4æ5,4æ4,5æ1,5æ5,1æ8,1 7¤(~~~~0,1 10 $1- 7 ~~~~7,1)¤ 4,15,1æ1,5æ4,5æ5,4æ7,4æ4,7æ
alias 2green3 msg %chan 9,0æ0,9æ3,9æ9,3æ1,3æ3,1æ9 $1- 3,1æ1,3æ9,3æ3,9æ0,9æ9,0æ
alias 2yellow2 msg %chan 8,0¦|0,8¦|7,8¦|8,7¦|4,7¦|7,4¦|5,4¦|4,5¦|1,5¦|5,1¦|9,1 $1- 5,1|¦1,5|¦4,5|¦5,4|¦7,4|¦4,7|¦8,7|¦7,8|¦0,8|¦8,0|¦
alias randtop2 {
  set %randtop $rand(1,13) 
  if ( %randtop == 1 ) 2green $1-
  if ( %randtop == 2 ) 2blue $1-
  if ( %randtop == 3 ) 2red $1-
  if ( %randtop == 4 ) 2pink $1-
  if ( %randtop == 5 ) 2yellow $1-
  if ( %randtop == 6 ) 2gray $1-
  if ( %randtop == 7 ) 2blue2 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 8 ) 2blue3 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 9 ) 2red2 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 10 ) 2green2 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 11 ) 2black $1-
  if ( %randtop == 12 ) 2green3 $1-
  if ( %randtop == 13 ) 2yellow2 $1-
}
;EOF