Just copy and paste it into you remotes on mIRC (alt+r)
To add more change the $rand(1,85) to like $rand(1,999) and add if (%confucius == #) .timer 1 2 msg $chan

on *:TEXT:!confucius*:#:{
  var %confucius = $rand(1,85)
  if (%confucius == 1) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."
  if (%confucius == 2) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time."
  if (%confucius == 3) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face."
  if (%confucius == 4) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who live in glass house, dress in basement."
  if (%confucius == 5) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing."
  if (%confucius == 6) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."
  if (%confucius == 7) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."
  if (%confucius == 8) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser."
  if (%confucius == 9) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
  if (%confucius == 10) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
  if (%confucius == 11) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man with no legs bums around."
  if (%confucius == 12) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
  if (%confucius == 13) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
  if (%confucius == 14) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Find old man in dark, not hard!"
  if (%confucius == 15) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
  if (%confucius == 16) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."
  if (%confucius == 17) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."
  if (%confucius == 18) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."
  if (%confucius == 19) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Passionate kiss like spider's web ... soon lead to undoing of fly."
  if (%confucius == 20) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Baseball is wrong.  Man with four balls cannot walk."
  if (%confucius == 21) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Wife who put husband in dog house soon find him in cat house."
  if (%confucius == 22) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who fight with wife all day,  get no piece at night."
  if (%confucius == 23) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it."
  if (%confucius == 24) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring, have offspring next spring."
  if (%confucius == 25) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."
  if (%confucius == 26) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Honeymooning campers have one intent!"
  if (%confucius == 27) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman."
  if (%confucius == 28) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who lay girl on hill not on level."
  if (%confucius == 29) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man with athletic finger make broad jump."
  if (%confucius == 30) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Virgin like balloon:   one prick, all gone."
  if (%confucius == 31) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who plays with titty gets bust in mouth."
  if (%confucius == 32) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up."
  if (%confucius == 33) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who lays girl in field gets piece on earth."
  if (%confucius == 34) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who have hole in pocket feels cocky all day."
  if (%confucius == 35) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam."
  if (%confucius == 36) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who fish in other mans well often catches crabs."
  if (%confucius == 37) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss."
  if (%confucius == 38) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Boy who goes to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand."
  if (%confucius == 39) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Girl should not marry basketball player: he dribbles before he shoots."
  if (%confucius == 40) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who chase car will get exhausted."
  if (%confucius == 41) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who lose key to girl friends apartment, no get nukie."
  if (%confucius == 42) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Hooker with bike pedal ass all over town."
  if (%confucius == 43) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who stand on toilet, high on pot."
  if (%confucius == 44) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Foolish man give wife grand piano.  Wise man give wife upright organ."
  if (%confucius == 45) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "All men eat, but Fu Manchu."
  if (%confucius == 46) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter."
  if (%confucius == 47) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed."
  if (%confucius == 48) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Boy who diddle little girl do diddly squat."
  if (%confucius == 49) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."
  if (%confucius == 50) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby."
  if (%confucius == 51) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver."
  if (%confucius == 52) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who eat too many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
  if (%confucius == 53) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money."
  if (%confucius == 54) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind."
  if (%confucius == 55) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose."
  if (%confucius == 56) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who stick head in open window get pane in neck."
  if (%confucius == 57) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who stick head in oven get baked bean."
  if (%confucius == 58) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Hockey player on ice have big stick."
  if (%confucius == 59) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "House without toilet, uncanny."
  if (%confucius == 60) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented."
  if (%confucius == 61) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient."
  if (%confucius == 62) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"
  if (%confucius == 63) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man kicked in testicles, left holding bag."
  if (%confucius == 64) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!"
  if (%confucius == 65) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
  if (%confucius == 66) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time."
  if (%confucius == 67) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who eat photo of father, soon spitting image of father."
  if (%confucius == 68) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self."
  if (%confucius == 69) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight."
  if (%confucius == 70) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
  if (%confucius == 71) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who masturbate only screwing self."
  if (%confucius == 72) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who put cock on stove have hot rod."
  if (%confucius == 73) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!"
  if (%confucius == 74) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who sit on hot stove will rise again."
  if (%confucius == 75) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who sit on tack get point!"
  if (%confucius == 76) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who sleep in cat house by day, in doghouse by night"
  if (%confucius == 77) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things."
  if (%confucius == 78) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man with forked tongue not need chop sticks."
  if (%confucius == 79) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."
  if (%confucius == 80) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts."
  if (%confucius == 81) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy."
  if (%confucius == 82) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!
  if (%confucius == 83) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "Man with hand in pants, feel cocky all day."
  if (%confucius == 84) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who runs behind car gets exausted."
  if (%confucius == 85) .timer 1 2 msg $chan "He who runs in front of car gets tired."